In life, we meet people. Some are extremely kind! But, some of them might have made us upset or mad. Others some may have hurt us in one or numerous ways. It is rightly said “hurt people, hurt people” we often use this phrase as a way to justify the other person’s actions and hence find a way to accept what happened so we can move on with our lives. Forgiveness is hard. But, it doesn’t have to be so. Here’s some ways you can forgive yourself and them. But, remember! It’s for your betterment not theirs!
Trying to Let Go
How do you feel mad when someone does something to hurt you? Do you feel upset? forget what happened? Whatever you feel when hurt deserves to be felt. When someone hurts you, grief and anger are natural and healthy responses. But so is self-pity! And there’s no predetermined time limit for working through and processing the pain. Forgiveness entails allowing negative feelings of anger and sadness to enter and then letting them go because you are now at peace with your life. So take your time, you deserve it.
Forgive the Misunderstandings
One of the most common misunderstandings regarding forgiveness is that it entails accepting the offender’s actions. In fact, forgiveness implies that you do not approve of the behavior. You know that what you are doing is improper or unsuitable, but you choose to cleanse your heart. You don’t make any explanations for your actions. You simply accept it and go on. That’s a significant difference.
The Perp’s Role in Your Life
Many times the person who hurts us is close to us or someone who has been in our lives for a while. And this hurts more. When someone you care about does something that hurts you, but you want to retain the relationship, it’s crucial to recall the good they’ve done for you. People cannot be replaced. It’s critical to remember that you only have one parent, one mother, and one best friend. This isn’t to say that people should put up with cruelty or stay in an unpleasant relationship. It means that if you’re harboring grudges, keeping score, or plotting methods to make someone pay for something they did, successful relationships are difficult to cultivate and maintain.
Almost every connection you’ve ever had involves forgiveness to survive. Everyone has flaws, even our perspectives. As a result, getting wounded is unavoidable. To have happy, long-term relationships, we need a system for letting go and making peace.
Set boundaries
When you’ve been hurt by someone close to you, some gentle boundary setting may be in order. But that doesn’t mean that you have to call them out, blame them or disown them. Learn how to simply say, “What you just did is not OK”, “You shouldn’t do that to me again”, “I didn’t like what you did”. Setting boundaries is a crucial part of any relationship.
Forgiveness for Smaller Things
If you’re having trouble forgiving someone, practice self-compassion instead of giving yourself a hard time. It’s normal to struggle, but you can get more accustomed to practicing forgiveness by finding ways to forgive regularly in your daily life.
This isn’t as tough as it appears. Practice compassion and forgive the person instead of getting angry. The pent-up anger adds more to the pain that you might already be feeling.
A Changing Story
Our brains keep us safe from danger, and so a lot of the stories we tell ourselves are not accurate. Honestly? Our brains are our REAL BEST FRIENDS! We simplify to emphasize the danger. To keep us secure, we generate these mental distortions. So, changing the tale is the simplest way to forgive.
So, if you’ve been telling yourself that your friend didn’t invite you to her wedding five years ago, and it was a terrible thing that you’re still resenting, consider that the two of you may have been going through a hard patch at the time, and she may have made a mistake, but she did the best she could.
Forgiveness? You’re a Hero!
Attributing your present distress to something that happened in the past is a way of making yourself a victim. When you tell yourself, “The only one who can solve my problems is me.” It instills a sense of heroic efficacy as if to say, “I must solve this problem.” I need to figure out how to be okay and happy in this life.’ You develop a sense of your own resilience when you can achieve it. “Being able to forgive allows one to be more effective in managing one’s life. Moreover, you develop a sense of, “I know I can cope with hardship,” rather than being confined or fearful. That is most likely the most significant personal gain.
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Currently, I am a student of Fatima Jinnah Women University. With a burning passion for psychology, words, and dreams, I decided to abandon medical studies for humanities. These days, when I’m not listening to ballads, watching movies, or sitting down with a good novel, I am rigorously studying Hangul (Korean language) to satisfy my obsession for BTS and K dramas. I’m a thinking introvert and INFJ personality. Therefore, I like ‘me time’. My articles typically resonate with psychological well-being advice.