Gaslighting is not a new kind of gas
If you’re the type to frequent self-help blogs and read up on mental health articles, then you’re probably already familiar with what gaslighting is. Just like “toxic relationships”, “social anxiety”, “mental health stigma”, gaslighting has found its way into our mainstream vocabulary. However, not a lot of people actually know or understand what it is. So, this raises a question. What is gaslighting? And how do we protect ourselves from it?
Well, gaslighting is a frequently overlooked kind of psychological abuse. Furthermore, it is a form of emotional manipulation meant to deceive us and make us doubt our sanity and perceptions of reality. Actually, gaslighting can be difficult to spot. But, it is not IMPOSSIBLE. And that’s where we find a ray of hope. In fact, you can better protect yourself against gaslighting by learning how it works and becoming familiar with how gas lighters operate.
Here are seven of the most common phrases that gaslighters will use!
“What are you talking about?”
This is how it starts: we confront them about something and they say, “What? What are you talking about?” I know. We’re speechless, right? Are they kidding me right now? You start to explain yourself but they deny knowing anything. And this kind of fake innocence gets on my nerves. Also, we start thinking if we’re just going overboard. And just like that, they’ve done it! They’ve planted the seeds of self-doubt that will make it easier and easier for them to gaslight you each time they do — all by simply denying what they’ve done and acting so sure of themselves that they’ve convinced you, too.
“You’re overreacting” or “You’re being too sensitive/emotional!”
Has anyone ever told you that maybe you’re “just overreacting” when you were upset with them? Or that you “need to lighten up” and “stop being so sensitive” when you called them out for something they said or did to hurt you? Yeah. Too many times. But, DON’T BE FOOLED! Invalidating someone’s feelings by treating them as if they’re in the wrong to feel that way is a manipulation tactic gas lighters often use to pin the blame on YOU instead of themselves (Portknow, 1997).
“You’re imagining things!!”
Do you know what makes gaslighting so dangerous and psychologically damaging? Of course, it can make us doubt our own memories and experiences, sometimes even to the point where we don’t know what to believe anymore. And it all starts with this deceptively simple phrase! “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Let ME tell YOU what REALLY happened.” People who talk down to you like this are most likely trying to gaslight you. So be careful and always remember: there’s a difference between letting someone tell you their side of the story and letting them feed you lies.
“You’re not making any sense!”
Whenever you argue with a gaslighter, it’s hard to come out on top because they’re always going to try and turn the tables on you. “You know you sound crazy right now, right?” Yeah, that’s emotional manipulation 101: tearing someone down so they can be vulnerable enough to believe you and buy into your nonsense. Gaslighters are professionals at making you feel crazy, especially when they know you’re in the right (Hightower, 2017).
“Stop exaggerating!”- THE ULTIMATE gaslighting PHRASE
I know what you’re thinking. All these phrases are almost related! And, that’s true! You’ll start to notice a pattern in the phrases gas lighters often use to try and manipulate you. Such as? They usually start with the word “you,” as in you’re the one who’s always in the wrong, you’re the one who must be mistaken, and you’re the one causing the problems. But, not them. Never them. Why? Because gas lighters will do everything they can to convince YOU that YOU’RE wrong. Additionally, they often do this by tricking you into thinking that you are simply imagining all these problems.
“If anything, I’m the one who should be mad at you!”
Remember what we said about how gas lighters love to turn the table on you? Well, this is a classic example of that. They will often act as if, by calling them out and making them take responsibility for their actions, you’re the one hurting them! “Why are you mad?” “I’m the one being wrongfully accused! Actually, I’m the one getting dragged even though I did nothing wrong! You know WHAT? I’m the victim here, not you!” Wow. Just… wow. Do you see what we mean? They are deflecting responsibility by manipulating your perception of the situation and rewriting the narrative (Sarkis, 2018).
The Truth About Gaslighting
Although a lot of people are still unfortunately unaware of what gaslighting is or how dangerous it can be, we must take the steps to educate ourselves enough to be able to recognize it when it happens, whether it’s towards us or someone we know. When another person undermines your sense of reality, it threatens your sense of safety, security, and self-trust. It can leave you spiraling in a sea of helplessness and self-doubt.
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Currently, I am a student of Fatima Jinnah Women University. With a burning passion for psychology, words, and dreams, I decided to abandon medical studies for humanities. These days, when I’m not listening to ballads, watching movies, or sitting down with a good novel, I am rigorously studying Hangul (Korean language) to satisfy my obsession for BTS and K dramas. I’m a thinking introvert and INFJ personality. Therefore, I like ‘me time’. My articles typically resonate with psychological well-being advice.