Remember When
Recall a situation where you asked someone a few questions and instantly regretted it. Yeah, awkward silence. So NOT conformable! Better yet, have you been in a situation where someone asked you a question and you felt uncomfortable and wished that they didn’t? Yikes. That uneasy smile and nervous laugh still didn’t get the message across.
Inquisitiveness about the background and hobbies of someone we’re just starting to know is good. Healthy, even. But that doesn’t imply you should ask just any question that comes to mind.
Here are a few questions you shouldn’t ask anyone.
Why aren’t you married? OR When are you getting married? – The WORST question
Statistically, If the individual you’re asking is in his or her 30s or 40s and beyond, there’s a strong probability he or she has already been married and is now divorced. If that’s the case, the person may have recently ended their marriage and be emotionally distraught, making this question both intrusive and potentially upsetting. Furthermore, many places will not even allow homosexual couples to marry legally, and while the couples may not have made that decision for themselves, it may still be sensitive.
Finally, who is to say that someone who isn’t married or has never been married believes in the institution in the first place? If the respondent believes marriage is little more than a legal contract, you’ll get along rant on how useless it is in answer to your question—and you’ll deserve it for poking around in the first place.
“Why didn’t you go to college?”
This may not be the ideal question considering that college isn’t for everyone, and it’s not always even available to everyone. In fact, this sometimes comes out as condescending, harsh, and intrusive, especially as college is increasingly considered as the only ticket to success in society. And for our society, it normally is. But, still. Please don’t ask. You could push your new potential friend away!
“Don’t you know that’s bad for you?”
Pregnant women, smokers, and anyone who is overweight are the most common targets for questions like these. What another individual does to their body, for the most part, has no bearing on you. Unless they’ve been living under a rock for the entirety of their lives, they already know what they’re doing is “unhealthy,” and your judgment disguised as compassion isn’t helping. Moreover, they probably don’t care and don’t want to know. You’re not saving lives. And chances are you’ve done something similar at some point in your life.
“Why don’t you live in a better house/area?”
It’s hard to believe, but I have heard this multiple times from guests. Well, if they had more money at the time, they would have chosen a better neighborhood. However, they didn’t, and you made them feel bad for it. So, go away. And please don’t come back!
“Why can’t you afford this?”
This is always a setback for people who are dealing with financial difficulties. It’s not only impolite, but it’s also a surefire method to ensure that whoever you asked will never want to buy you anything again. Not everyone has the same money. I wonder why people can’t remember that.
“Why can’t you gain/lose weight?”
Asking someone questions about their appearance is never a good idea. The person might already have noticed it and is probably working on it already. Pointing it out might increase problems of self-esteem and would make them feel worse.
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Currently, I am a student of Fatima Jinnah Women University. With a burning passion for psychology, words, and dreams, I decided to abandon medical studies for humanities. These days, when I’m not listening to ballads, watching movies, or sitting down with a good novel, I am rigorously studying Hangul (Korean language) to satisfy my obsession for BTS and K dramas. I’m a thinking introvert and INFJ personality. Therefore, I like ‘me time’. My articles typically resonate with psychological well-being advice.