The concept of the Five Love Languages always piqued my interest. I got to know about them after reading the New York Times Bestselling book (collection) under the name “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts”. It is written by Gary Chapman who’s an author, speaker, and relationship counselor and has a passion for helping people to have lasting and fulfilling relationships.
About the 5 Love Languages: What are they?
Gary called these the ways of expressing and receiving love. They consist of:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
According to Chapman, every person has a primary love language; the one that makes them feel and express love at its best. This primary love language tends to fill the individual’s “love tank”. The fuller the “love tank”, the more emotionally contented they are.
Let’s look at each one of them turn by turn and find out what might be your primary one.
1. Words of Affirmation
Mark Twain said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Now we all know that it’s not just him. According to the ancient Hebrew Wisdom Literature author Solomon, “The tongue has the power of life and death”. There is tremendous power in verbally affirming people you love. Little, innocuous compliments like “That color looks amazing on you!” or “This haircut makes you look like David Beckham!” or “You have a killer sense of humor!” can have lasting effects on an individual and really make them feel like they are on top of the world. Verbal compliments are far greater motivators than nagging words. Kindness and encouragement require empathy and seeing the world from the perspective of the person you love which may be your parent, sibling, spouse, or child.
Words are important! If words from people make or break you, if words of encouragement make you feel like the king of the world and if harsh, belittling words crush your spirits, then this might be your primary love language.
2. Quality Time
Chapman says that by quality time, he means giving the people you love your undivided attention. Being emotionally and mentally available and present with them, making them feel that you enjoy their company, and taking out the time to carry out activities together are all examples of you giving ample quality time to them. Getting away from the hustle and bustle of the world and retreating on top of the mountains is a good spot to spend quality time with one another and understand each other better. But understanding one another requires you to be a good listener. Learning to listen may be as difficult as learning a foreign language, but learn we must if we want to communicate love to people we love.
If you enjoy undivided attention from the people you love more than anything else in the world, chances are that this might be your love language.
3. Receiving Gifts
Some people see giving and receiving gifts as a reminder of love. To them, it means, money (with which those gifts are bought) isn’t important for you, they are! If you are to become an effective gift-giver, you may have to change your attitude about money. We feel good about ourselves when we are saving money and investing it wisely. Gifts are, therefore, an investment in your relationship. And they don’t always have to be made out of precious metals or bejeweled with diamonds and rubies. As long as your gift is meaningful and exudes thoughtfulness, you’re good to go. Remember, visual symbols of love are more important to some people than others.
If an expressive gift from the person you love lights up your day and week and month more than anything else, this might be your primary love language.
4. Acts of Service
This means doing the things that you know your loved ones would like you to do. You seek to please them by serving them, to express love to them by doing things for them. Now you certainly don’t have to nudge yourself to do things you low-key dislike indulging into. No one likes to be forced to do anything. Love is always freely given.
If actions such as cooking a meal, cleaning the garage, setting the table, emptying the dishwasher, replenishing the toilet roll, toothpaste and hand-wash without you asking, paying the bills, trimming the weeds, and dealing with the plumber and landlords spark joy in you like no other, this might be your primary love language.
5. Physical Touch
We have long known that physical gestures like hugging, holding hands, etc. are ways of communicating emotional love. Numerous research projects in the area of child development have made the conclusion that babies who are held, stroked, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact. Some individuals feel unloved without a physical touch from people they love. But with it, their emotional tank is filled and they feel secure about their relationships.
If warm, tender hugs and PDA are emotional lifelines for you, physical touch might be your primary love language.
Read more about modern relationships here.
Why are they important?
In all honesty, I would recommend this book to EVERYONE! If you’re a parent, a sibling, a partner, a friend, or even a kid to your parents, knowing about these love languages will equip you with the consciousness of making people you care about feel loved. It would enable you to communicate in a language they respond to better and make your relationship more gratifying and robust with them.
According to a reader of Gary’s book, “Knowing about the 5 love languages gives the true meaning of communicating in a loving relationship. No matter what relationship you are talking about, this is fundamental in knowing what love language you speak in, so you become better at communicating – to anyone, not just your spouse. I have read and reread this book over the years and pass it along to friends often. I even tell those that are single to read it; because knowing how you communicate will help fortify your personal relationships going forward. And to be honest, I never knew it was written by a Pastor when I first read it, so if you think it’s going to be “preachy”, it’s not. Trust me. Give it a shot, it’s the best self-help book out there and it works!”
Wanna know more about love languages? Click here.
Still confused about what your primary love language is? Try playing this quiz.
About two and half years too old to be good at technology, but a bit of a self-professed book-nerd! That is exactly how I’ll describe myself. With an undying passion for reading and writing, I’ve landed in RangeInn as a Lifestyle Author. Yeah, that’s my new gig and I’m super excited to be part of the team. My articles are mostly about pop culture, celebrity gossip, entertainment, fashion & beauty, personality & spirituality, food, life hacks, books, movies and basically anything & everything that piques my interest.
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