Don’t we all Self-Talk?
According to Healthline, self-talk is the way you naturally communicate with yourself throughout the day (Morris 2016). It can be positive or negative, and it can influence your self-esteem, self-worth, and confidence.
When it comes to negative self-talk, some phrases can be particularly damaging to your well-being. But, we say them anyway. Sometimes, we feel as if verbally punishing ourselves is going to make us stop procrastinating and finally finish that assignment. However, that has NEVER worked. EVER. So, maybe tone it down a bit! Also, if you find yourself identifying with these phrases, know that there are ways to grow and improve your self-talk.
“I’m Not Worth It.”
What makes something worthy? How to label worth? For many people, self-worth can be influenced by several factors. With that said, it can be easy to let other people, certain moments, or situations diminish your worth. However, the biggest thing to remember is that self-worth is, and will always be, truly internal. It blossoms from the way you speak to yourself, and the way you view yourself, not how others view you (UNCW).
“It’s not worth trying”
Have you ever stopped yourself from trying something new? Did you tell yourself that you’ll probably fail before you even started? Maybe you said, “Yeah. I can’t do that. I know myself. I just couldn’t.” I know it’s tempting to be scared of change. Hell, I hate change more than anyone in this world. But, we have to try to improve ourselves. And you can never improve if you remain stationary all your life!
While you may be intending to save yourself from any potential embarrassment with this line of thinking, you are inadvertently stunting your growth. We tend to underestimate ourselves, but sometimes, our potential just might surprise us if we give it the chance.
“I am not enough.”
Okay. Let’s be honest. Most of us never really use this exact phrase. But, we do use its multiple versions. In this increasingly competitive world, it can be easy to undercut your own accomplishments. Criticism from others or slight setbacks can make us forget about the things we do well and make us feel like we aren’t doing enough. Or, that we simply aren’t enough.
This phrase can be detrimental to your self-esteem and confidence (Bundrant 2013). You are enough and so valuable as you are, no matter what setbacks you face each day. Keep telling yourself that and you’ll see a big difference. I promise.
“I’m oversensitive sometimes.”
Have you ever called yourself ‘hyper sensitive’ when you were angry? Rather than letting yourself feel all of your emotions?
It’s a common thing to do, but sometimes, it results in you dismissing your own feelings. If something bothers you, it bothers you, and it’s okay. Embrace it instead of running away from it. Blaming it on your emotions doesn’t help either! Even if other people don’t think something should upset you, it doesn’t make your feelings any less important or any less real. As I always say, just because the other person doesn’t feel the same way, doesn’t make your feelings any less valid. Your FEELINGS ARE VALID!! No matter the time or circumstance. Try to follow your heart.
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“I don’t deserve love”
Have you ever thought that you didn’t deserve love? If so, you aren’t alone.
According to Cision PRWeb, a study from PsychTests revealed that an enormous percentage of people believe that they are “not good enough for anyone”, that they are “boring and uninteresting” and/or “unworthy of love” (Jerabek 2018). However, these comments are detrimental to your well-being because they perpetuate issues with self-esteem and self-worth. According to Dr. Jerabek from PsychTests, various life experiences can negatively affect the way we view ourselves, love ourselves, and respect ourselves. Making a conscious effort to treat ourselves with love and respect will not only increase our personal happiness but also serve as an example of how we want to be treated by those around us.
“I am a failure”
When something goes wrong, what do you tell yourself? Well, a common response would be to call yourself a failure. At the moment, when nothing is going your way, this label may seem like the only appropriate thing to call yourself.
However, what many of us don’t realize is how damaging it can actually be to let ourselves believe that we are failures, even when we have failed. In these moments, rather than add to your own adversity, the best thing you can do for yourself is to become your biggest support system (Denning 2019). Stepping on yourself will only discourage you even more. But, being kind to yourself, even as you acknowledge a setback, can encourage you to rebuild and come back stronger.
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Currently, I am a student of Fatima Jinnah Women University. With a burning passion for psychology, words, and dreams, I decided to abandon medical studies for humanities. These days, when I’m not listening to ballads, watching movies, or sitting down with a good novel, I am rigorously studying Hangul (Korean language) to satisfy my obsession for BTS and K dramas. I’m a thinking introvert and INFJ personality. Therefore, I like ‘me time’. My articles typically resonate with psychological well-being advice.